Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
