I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize