Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
