I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
