he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
