A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
