She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
