you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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