I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
