Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
