Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
