True but thats because hes a fetus.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
