I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
