So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
