That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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