i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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