saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
smell my finger.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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