You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
