yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize