Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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