I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
