I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
