I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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