Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
