haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
