I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
