I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
