She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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