Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize