K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
