ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
