one word: firstdatebathroomanal
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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