Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize