Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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