'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
