yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize