I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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