I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
did i walk over a car last night?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
