All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
