That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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