Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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