My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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