Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
