some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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