I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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