does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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