Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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