areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
