So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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