Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
