why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize