My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
