I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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