i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
