You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
