Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
