you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
