My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
