How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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