Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
