last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
