Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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