new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
