can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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