You're a womanizer and a bitch.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
