Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize