the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
