i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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