Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
