Jerry, you need to find god
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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