I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
