Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize