Got a toothbrush?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
