I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize