and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
