I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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