I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
