He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
