opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize