brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
