i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
