So drunk its hurt
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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