His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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