That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
