well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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