i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Princesses don't give blow jobs
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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