I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
His hands were made for my vagina.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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