Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
