That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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