"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
