You're so nebulous sometimes
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
