I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
