Dual....:-)
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
