why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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