so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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