We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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