I seem to have left my pride at pride
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
