Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
